Finding my Own Way
to Happy and Gay
by Barbara Castle-Farmer
This book by Barbara Castle-Farmer, a well-known and active Prince Alberter, is fascinating and un-put-downable. In addition to meeting what its clear title promises, it achieves a number of objectives.
Among them, firstly, is an account of a young woman born in the late 1940s who discovers she’s gay and of how she deals with the complexities of life resulting from this realisation.
She’s exposed to the prejudices facing lesbian women and gay men in our peculiar (apartheid) society of the time, and has to make choices from the many actions she could take with family, friends and society.
It’s a record of her life, the lessons she learned and a humble setting out of how gay and straight people could benefit from her experiences.
Secondly, it’s a guide book to the laws, societal views and history affecting gay life through the ages. In particular it’s a record of gay and lesbian life in South Africa and the continuing challenges and prejudices that exist here (for example, for black lesbians).
Above all the book is a wonderful, witty, often wry, sometimes sad, and more often laugh-out-loud love story.
For me, good writing – and captivating reading – are marked by the sensitive portrayal of tragedy and humour, and being able to hand out lessons without becoming
sentimental, manipulating the reader or playing tricks on the reader, and with being totally honest. This book is both honest and courageous.
Barbara Castle-Farmer lists many of the insensitive questions asked by curious heterosexuals – for example, “Who is the man and who is the woman?” (recognise this question?). Her answers are revealing and very funny.
The last chapter is wonderful (“11 Things We Wish Straight Women Knew”) – but dear heterosexual reader, don’t go there first if you’ve been wise and curious enough to buy the book.
The book is organised and set out in an interesting way. Each chapter title is preceded by a substantial quotation set out in a separate box. The chapters are short and pithy, setting out succinctly the story of Barbara’s life and her growing realisations.
Some of the chapters had been published before. The chapter headings alone are all quotable – among them Emperors, Kings & Drama Queens; Homos, Robbers & Rapists; Setting up Home In The Closet and As Camp As A Row Of Tents.
When I bought the book it came with a book-marker which notes: “ … this book needs to be read … to give straight people a clearer picture of gay people, to give gay people a sense of pride and to encourage acceptance of those who are different among us.
“Should you be lucky enough to have a friend, a child, a sister, an aunt or a colleague who is gay this book answers many of the questions you’d never dare ask.”
Read it!